its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
