Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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