You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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