Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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