i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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