How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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