I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.