I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!