Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

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(443): View more from Maryland

So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina

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(913): View more from Kansas

I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!

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