Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's the barista slut.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants