How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby