I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.