i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.