The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
