Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
