It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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