She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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