She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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