I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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