I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
