i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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