I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
