I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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