i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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