You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
