I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You may now shotgun with the bride
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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