Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I look excited, but its just a facade.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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