literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
