ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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