yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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