im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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