i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
