Will you blow on my dice?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
