she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
