Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
