I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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