In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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