oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
