he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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