Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
