Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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