i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
