I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
