We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
