I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
