There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
