Nicole vs. Life
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
