If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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