We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
