I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
