Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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