i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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