I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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