in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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