there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
