Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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