I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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