just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
