there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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