So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
