You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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