I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think i have two assholes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
