After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
