Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
