Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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